When I came up with the title of my blog, I was looking forward to sharing how my faith and how it's been progressing while in Boston. Somehow that hasn't happened. I tend to be really into the things around me, and there is a disconnect between what I see everyday and what I believe beyond all that. Well, let me tell you, God showed out this past week. I have grown to be a little smarter with what I share online, but this is God at work. I gotta let it out.
I had found myself in a situation with rent...and not being able to pay it all...for a few months. I was left with some choices to get myself caught up, but I wasn't taking them very seriously, and every now and then I would ask God what to do, but not really stick with it. I became focused with finding a job, and not any ol job. I wanted to at least like the place or something, and then apply and wait for them to call me back. When that wasn't working, I would have a random moment of asking God, "what the heck is going on? How am I here?" Guilt was creeping up at a faster rate, and I began to feel less deserving to even keep the blessing I was granted last year.
Then Sunday happened. I went to church like I usually do, and sometime later, someone I don't know super well offered to give me the amount that I owe. Past, present, and future all at once. I was so shocked that I couldn't cry like I thought I would have expected to do. A humongous burden was lifted from my shoulders, and I was not on my knees crying out to God constantly.
Not only did God offer His abounding grace, but He put me in my place. I am nothing without my faith. I don't care what anyone says. God helps and directs in His own timing to His liking to whomever He pleases because He's God. Point blank period. Why? Because He loves us. He has a plan for each and every one of us, and there is reward for those that follow Him, and it's not a gold star. It's much more, and you get to experience them little by little while you're still on earth.
Habakkuk 2:4 says "Behold, his soul is puffed up; it is not upright within him, but the righteous shall live by his faith.(emphasis added)"
The bible talks time and time again about how a man that follow his own ways heads into utter destruction with himself, yet I for one keep my pride fully blown. It's a severe struggle that I have that shows sometimes at work, and school, and maybe at church a time or two. Time and time again God has sat me down and reminded me that I am a mere human. I only have so much power. God likes to come from way left field just to show Himself, and in the end He gets the glory. Nothing is more humbling.
I've been wondering what I can do moving forward, besides a few obvious things, including loosening my grip on controlling my life and putting that control to better use. I still feel guilt-ridden because I battled myself when it came to taking action. My calmness turned into nonchalance, and that's not cool. But the learning lesson from it all is what life is about, especially in my 20s. I have learned so much about life in the last 4 1/2 years it's not even funny.
All in all, praise God for sitting me down and taking over the situation. And if anyone who reads this was praying for me, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I barely give much thought to people praying for me, but I really needed it in this situation, and I see that those prayers were answered...loud and clear. Faith has found me again.
Drika
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